I fell to the ground and I said ‘God, if you’re real, I need you to tell me. I need a sign because everything I know about love isn’t right.
Crissy Outlaw starred in over 50 adult movies, before leaving the porn industry for good and embracing Jesus Christ as her savior.
A troubled childhood and a period of sexual abuse led at the hands of her Father’s neighbor led her down a dark path. She eventually moved in with her mother and got pregnant at the age of 17. Then, the man she planned to marry left her during her third trimester, so Outlaw felt like abortion was her only option.
“I was fully awake and aware of everything going on during the abortion and my heart was shattered while the life was literally being sucked out of me,’ she recalled. “It was awful….my school knew about my abortion and I lost all my friends. That was one of the most traumatic things that happened.”
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Outlaw fell into a series of abusive relationships. “I never felt good enough for the men I dated,” she confessed. “I didn’t feel beautiful because they looked at porn during sex with me. I thought, am I not good enough for you that you can’t only look at me? I felt worthless to the point that I chose porn and I said, ‘One day I’m going to be one of the girls you watch on screen.'”
She was highly popular, and was earning over $15,000 a month during the peak of her career. Outlaw says that “unlimited amounts of money,” were available to her. But she was empty on the inside. Eventually, she realized her need for divine healing. She cried out to God. “I fell to the ground and I said ‘God, if you’re real, I need you to tell me. I need a sign because everything I know about love isn’t right. And I need to feel you in my life because I haven’t felt you since I was 11 years old’ and I stayed on the floor,” she said.
Just the next day, something remarkable happened. Outlaw and her boyfriend headed to a film set in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A topless photo of a crew member’s wife was being passed around, but one particular man named Chris refused to look at it.
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Outlaw talked to him and told him she was a porn star. Her boyfriend started sharing her nude photos with the crew. But the man simply asked her, “Do you know Jesus?”
The Holy Spirit convicted her at that very moment. “I started crying when he asked me if I wanted to rededicate my life,” she recalled. “I said yes. [After that], I didn’t do any more shoots and stopped accepting any income from pornography.” Outlaw began attending a local church, and there, she met her future husband, Lawton Outlaw, who was a youth pastor at the time.
Now, the couple travel the country sharing their testimony. “I made tons of mistakes but entering porn was one of the biggest ones,” she said. “This mistake is out there forever but I’ve come to peace with myself and who God has made me to be.”
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