I was a witness my whole life, I was a pioneer I faced all these questions and arguments in the ministry… I always had an answer that would defend the beliefs I had , which I was 100% devoted to. But I couldn’t deny the contradictions. I was disoriented and couldn’t continue lying to my self by dismissing and ignoring all the contradictions i saw in the bible. I found no answer in the literature, I even corresponded with the service department… everything they ever said was what I had research myself in the Insight and Reasoning books. Then I started to read and study the bible, not to defend watchtower beliefs. When I was defending , I had the conclusion, and was looking for scriptures to support my beliefs. But just reading the word of God WITHOUT the Watchtower’s publications I saw something different than what I had been taught my whole life (I was born a jw). I saw that what I had believed my whole life was a lie, and I had been deceived. It honestly was traumatic, and took me years to really accept’
Thank you for your vulnerability. You have helped me a lot!