I Have Caused Pain To So Many People, Can I Still Be Whole?


Hello everybody. I am Nigerian based in France. My English is not 100% perfect but I will try to make it possible for you to understand me with the help of google french to English translator and my story is also long sorry for that.

When I was 9 years old I joined my uncle, my mum’s younger brother in France. He declared me as his daughter. During that time he only had one child, 2 years old. He and the wife were so loving to me. I never lacked anything in their house.

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But when I turned 12, I went to secondary school. I met some bad friends there. This is where the problem started.I became a very difficult child. I will go to school come home late. My uncle will beat and beat me but I never listened. I smoked my first cigarette at 12 and had my first sex at 13 and I started running away from home to stay with boyfriends. Sometimes I can go for a week and when uncle reporta me missing, the police will be looking for me, then they will bring me back home.

Then at 14 I went to school and lied to my teacher that my uncle was abusing me. I told them he was beating me with belts, electric wire, they don’t give me foods and I really said a lot of bad things about them doing to me to make my teacher believe my story so they could take me away from them because I wanted freedom and my teacher believed me and reported to the police and child protection, they are people who take away abused children from their parents. They took custody of me and my uncle three children, the youngest was 6 months old to their care and they gave us to this white lady to care for us and my uncle and wife were arrested for child abuse and the police were doing some investigation.

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After spending 1yr 9 months in care of the white lady I dropped out school. They found out that I was a difficult child that I lied to get freedom so they have decided to give my uncle his children back to him while I stayed in care of white people but my uncle had sworn because I made him lost his children for 1yr 9 months that I will never found happiness in my life and I will never enjoy the fruit of my labour which it is true as I am typing this.

I have given birth to 6 children by 6 men and none of the children is living with me. The first one was taken away from me at 2 months old because I beat her up and fractured her hands and I also tested positive for heroinn (drugs), so that did not stop me from giving birth second child was removed from my care 4 hours after birth she also tested positive for heroin the same way my other children were removed at birth too so I carry on with my lifestyles. I did not care about my children at that time all I care about was sex, alcohol and drugs this is what I wanted and I have been to prison several times for selling drugs and fraudsters.

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The longest I have spent in prison was 2 years then after I left prison, I met with this sister who introduced me to this church she attended so I went along with her, the pastor told me to confess my sin to him and promised it will be a secret between I, him and God which I did repented and accepted Jesus as my saviour. To be honest, my life did changed a lot, I fell the peace in my heart , enjoyed going to church every Sunday but this pastor went tell his wife my life story and the wife told everyone in church my life story and started using it against me so it made me so angry that I left the church in November 2017 without looking back. I have decided not to attend any church again.

I have stopped alcohol, taking drugs and sleeping with men. I no longer do it. I prayed at home, read my bible and behaving good and it’s almost 2 years I havnt slept with a man and i went to look for my uncle asking him for forgiveness but he has refused and I send him many text messages begging him to forgive and I still no heard anything from him or the wife even their children I have tried to ask them forgiveness they have blocked me and they all want nothing to do with me even my own parents and siblings in Africa they have rejected me, none of them want to talk to me, my parents said i am dead to them, it is so painful I cry everyday in my prayers, as for my children 4 of them are adopted with new family.

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I can’t see them again maybe until they are 18 years old If they want to know me if they don’t want I will have no choice to accept it and my 2 youngest children i am only allowed to see them once a year in a children play centre with someone supervise because they don’t let me to be alone with them and soon I will stop visiting them because they are planning to adopt them to a new family too that will mean I will have nobody on this earth.

I regret my mistake so bad I wish I could change it but it will not be impossible. I can’t have more children because they will be removed from me like the others and I am only 31years old. I don’t know if my repentance was genius because my family has refused to forgive me and my question goes like this if they never forgive me will I ever found happiness again or I will just have to accept it until I died?

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Please, advise me in a Christian way maybe if there’s more I can do and also prayed for me so my family will be able to forgive me and also pray for my two children that nobody will adopt them so I can get custody of them and I promised to be a good mother to them, please I am begging you in the name of God.

This Story Was Shared By Divine, and Was Originally Published Here.

Please Drop Your Advice/Prayer In The Comment Section Below

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  1. The story is pathetic, all the work of the devil. Let continue to pray and be steadfast with God. Our God is a God of compassion if she genuinely repented and forsake her old ways completedly, He will definitely forgive her and also touch the heart of her family members to forgive her. God will mend the broken pieces of her life and give her everlasting joy in this world and in His Kingdom.

  2. Comment:Sister God has the power to make your life great. ounce you repent and accept Jesus like you claimed you have done, God would have forgiven you.
    Sister all men are subjects to mistake. one thing you need to do now is to look for a church of Christ and plant yourself there, become a worker, be consistent.
    Be a part of our live broadcasts at http://mixlr.com/biblepatternchurchonline on Sunday 6:30 am- 10:00 am GMT the repeat of the broadcast will be on till evening.
    on Monday Bible Study 6:30 am GMT.
    Hour of Miracle on Thursday 6:30 am GMT.
    this is my WhatsApp No if you need more directions or counsels +2349058686048
    email: [email protected]

  3. It’s a good thing when we accept our wrong and ask for forgiveness. The word of God promised if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. My dear sister I pray that God will comfort you on every side and give you a new beginning. You’ve asked for forgiveness from your uncle and families in Africa, now is for you to pray God to touch their heart to forgive you. All you need now is the comfort of the Holy Spirit. for your two remaining children, Dont worry He has a better plan for you and He will perfect all that concerns you. Be encouraged.

  4. her family has to come to Christ to know the forgiveness and love of Christ, they must be born again (if they are muslims, they might not know forgiveness, but unforgiveness and revenge; sadly, it is the same with the secualr state). Continue to pray, dear woman, and live for Christ. get involved in charity, and anything that honors and glorifies Holy God, pray for your children and for those who adopted them. Keep in Christ and, if you are born again received the Holy Spirit, do not quench Him, obey Jesus Christ who said that whoever loves Him, does His commandments. Love is the greates, love your enemies through Christ in you, never allow your heart to turn against anyone, including you. God the Father be merciful in Jesus Christ.

  5. God is merciful and has forgiven her. She should just be continues in prayer and godliness, whatever lost years and things will be restored to her – family, children money etc.

  6. our god is mercyful god, never relie or share ur trouble to any man pray always nd he will make imposible to b pos,,, man can change but god cnt change

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