List Of Bible Jokes

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Which biblical character was the youngest to speak foul language?
ANS.Job, because he cursed the day he was born.

Did you know Jesus was an American Indian?
ANS.His name was chief cornerstone.

Who was the fastest runner in the bible?
ANS.Adam because he started first in the human race.

Why didn’t Cain bring God an acceptable offering?
ANS.Because he wasn’t Abel!

How did Moses make his tea?
ANS.”Hebrewed” it

Who is the shortest man in the Bible?
ANS.Nehemiah (KneehighMiah)

A TRUTH
What is the one and only “man made” thing in heaven?
ANS.The scars from nails on Jesus hands and feet!

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
ANS.Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
ANS.Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out little prophet.

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
ANS.Ruth-less.

Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
ANS.Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.

What did Eve ask Adam during their first argument?
ANS.”Adam, is there another woman?”

At what time of day was Adam created?
ANS.A little before Eve.

Did Eve never have a date with Adam?
ANS.No, it was an apple.

Where is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible?
ANS.In Genesis, when God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

JOKES about NOAH

Why on Noah’s ark couldn’t they eat apples?
ANS.Because they only came in pears

On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows on-board. What did he get from the ducks?
ANS.Quackers

Which animal on Noah’s Ark had the highest level of intelligence?
ANS.The Giraffe

When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
ANS. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
ANS. Because they were using “fowl” language.

How many people went on board the Ark before Noah?
ANS. Three, because it says “… and Noah went forth”

JOKES LOT’S WIFE

Lot’s last words to his wife?
ANS….Honey, is someone following

OR

Why was a woman in the Bible turned into a pillar of salt?
ANS.Because she was dissatisfied with her Lot.

GENERAL BIBLE JOKES

Why should we all be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?
ANS. Because, Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right.

Why was everyone in Biblical times so poor?
ANS. Because there was only one Job!..

How long did Cain dislike his brother?
ANS. As long as he was Abel.

Where in the Bible does it say that men do the dishes?
ANS. 2 Kings 21:13 “…and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down to dry.”

What was Noah’s greatest worry?
ANS. The pair of mosquitoes.

What’s the greatest case of constipation in the Bible?
ANS. Satan the devil. Revelation says he will be bound up for a thousand years! (Rev 20:2 KJV)

Where is the first example of cannibalism in the Bible?
ANS. Two Kings Ate One!

Who is the shortest person in the Bible?
ANS. Bildad the Shuhite! . . . or . . .
ANS.A Knee High Miah! . . .or . . .
ANS.AA Peter (when he slept on his watch) . . . or . .
ANS.AAA Jesus (when He spoke on a mustard seed)

Who is the largest woman in the Bible?
ANS. The woman of Some area (Samaria Jn 4)

How do we know Moses wore a wig?
ANS. Sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn’t!

When is the first food fight mentioned in the Bible?
ANS. “I looked and behold a flying roll!” (Zech 5:1 KJV)

Do you know the phone number for the Garden of Eden?
ANS. Adam 8-1-2!

Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
ANS.Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
ANS.1). Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a FURY.

ANS.A2). David’s TRIUMPH was heard throughout the land.

ANS.AA3). HONDA…because the apostles were all in one Accord.

ANS.AAA4). 2 Corinthians 4 v 8 describes going out in service maybe in a Volkswagen Beetle: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.”

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
ANS.Samson. He brought the house down.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
ANS.In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
ANS.They were really put out.

Why couldn’t Noah’s wife and sons play cards on the Ark?
ANS. Because Noah sat on the deck.

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
ANS.They really raised Cain.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
ANS.Your mother ate us out of house and home.

The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
ANS.They used floodlights.

Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
ANS.David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
ANS.The thought had never entered his head before.

What do they call pastors in Germany?
ANS.German Shepherds.

What is the best way to get to Paradise?
ANS.Turn right and go straight.

Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
ANS.Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
ANS.The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
ANS.Because in Job 16:12 we read, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.”

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
ANS.When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Where was the first cricket match mentioned in the Bible?
ANS.At Pentecost when Peter stood up with the eleven and was bowled. (bold)!!.

Did you know that Paul was the 1st surfer in the Bible?
ANS.Remember in Acts when he “came ashore on a board”!.

How do we know that the disciples were very cruel to the corn?
ANS. Because they pulled it’s ears.

Which Bible character had no parents?
ANS.(1) Joshua, son of Nun
ANS.A(2) Jonah, because he was brought up by a whale.

How do they make holy water?
ANS. They boil the hell out of it!

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