Singer Katy Perry has opened up about her struggle with suicidal thoughts and the impact of her Christian upbringing in a new Viceland series “The Therapist.”

She also talks of often wanting to revert back to her original self and name, Katheryn Hudson. “I so badly want to be Katheryn Hudson that I don’t even want to look like Katy Perry anymore sometimes — and, like, that is a little bit of why I cut my hair because I really want to be my authentic self,” she explained.

Perry also talked of her Christian childhood and the tension between her and her minister parents. “I didn’t really hear them and I’m trying to listen for that more and hold a space and have compassion for them and love them in an authentic way because it wasn’t always easy because we have very different viewpoints. Now we agree to disagree in a loving space,” Perry shared.

Then, Perry talked openly about how she struggled with suicidal thoughts following her split from ex-husband, British comedian Russell Brand, and the Lord helped her through this time. She says she wrote the song “By the Grace of God,” in the aftermath as a way of crying out to Jesus, and asking for His help. “I wrote that song ‘By the Grace of God’ because I do believe in something much bigger than me and I call that God,” Perry said. 

“I get to live this wonderful life and I’ve been given this gift, I know that God has His hand on me, and I know sometimes I go through things and they’re just too intense and I can’t handle them and then He swoops in and He shows me that it’s His grace that brings me through it.”

Watch Perry talk below.

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