- Eating rabbits, pigs, or camels.
Leviticus 11:4 “Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.”
- No shellfish, clams, oysters, urchins, or lobsters.
Leviticus 11:10 “And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.”
- No eating cats, dogs, and ferrets
Leviticus 11:27 “And whatsoever goeth upon his paws, among all manner of beasts that go on all four, those are unclean unto you: whoso toucheth their carcase shall be unclean until the even.”
- No eating snails, moles, weasels, mice, rats, bats, bugs, insects, worms, spiders, roaches, etc.
Leviticus 11:28–29 “These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind, and the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole.”
- Don’t eat fat or blood
Leviticus 3:17 “It shall be a perpetual statute for your generations throughout all your dwellings, that ye eat neither fat nor blood”
- You cannot eat certain birds.
Leviticus 11:13–20 “These are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the osprey, and the vulture, and the kite after his kind; every raven after his kind; and the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind, and the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl, and the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle, and the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat. All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.”
- If you wear ripped jeans, you’re going to burn.
Leviticus 10:6 “Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people.”
- Oh, yeah. You also can’t wear mixed cloth, bitch.
Leviticus 19:19 “Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.”
- No short haircuts
Leviticus 19:27 “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads.”
- Beard required
Leviticus 19:27 “Neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.”
- That tat of a cross isn’t getting you extra credit, Johnny.
Leviticus 19:28 “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.”
- Don’t put two seeds in the same crop, ’cause it’s an abomination…for some reason.
Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed.”
- That mixed-breed dog you have? Yeah…that’ll grant you a one way ticket to hell, too.
Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind.”
- No grudge-holding!
Leviticus 19:18 “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people.”
- Touch a dirty puppy? BURN!
Leviticus 5:2 “If a soul touch any unclean thing, whether it be a carcase of an unclean beast, or a carcase of unclean cattle, or the carcase of unclean creeping things, and if it be hidden from him; he also shall be unclean, and guilty.”
- Wait…so less church is good?
Leviticus 12:4–5 “And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.”
- No alcohol in church (people probably don’t do this anyw- oh wait)
Leviticus 10:9 “Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die.”
- No manual labor on Saturdays.
Leviticus 23:3 “Six days shall work be done: but the seventh day is the sabbath of rest, an holy convocation; ye shall do no work therein: it is the sabbath of the Lord in all your dwellings.”
- No going to church after birth.
Leviticus 12:2 “Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.”
- No tarrot cards
Leviticus 19:31 “Do not turn to mediums or spiritists…”
- Pull out=die
Genesis 38:9-10 “Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”
- No divorce
Mark 10:9 “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
- No balls=No gawd
Deuteronomy 23:1 “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.”
- No jewelry
Timothy 2:9 “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”
- If someone’s attacking you, you can’t grab your attacker’s privates.
Deuteronomy 25:11-25:12 “If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”
- Don’t fuck your wife’s mom
Leviticus 20:14 “‘If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.”
- Don’t go to church if you’re Asian.
Leviticus 21:17 “Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. 18 No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; nor his nose or eyes be flat.”
- Kill anyone with a different religion than Christianity
- “If there is found in your midst, in any of your [a]towns, which the Lord your God is giving you, a man or a woman who does what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, by transgressing His covenant, 3 and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the heavenly host, which I have not commanded, 4 and if it is told you and you have heard of it, then you shall inquire thoroughly. Behold, if it is true and the thing certain that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, 5 then you shall bring out that man or that woman who has done this evil deed to your gates, that is, the man or the woman, and you shall stone them to [b]death. 6 On the [c]evidence of two witnesses or three witnesses, he who is to die shall be put to death; he shall not be put to death on the [d]evidence of one witness. 7 The hand of the witnesses shall be first against him to put him to death, and afterward the hand of all the people. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.”
- Don’t say “Fuck you, mom!” Even if you’re a rebellious teen.
“Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head.”
- If you’ve ever cheated on someone, you’re going to Hell.
Leviticus 20:10 “If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.”
- If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be “cut off from their community”
“If a man has sexual relations with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them must be cut off from the community, for together they have exposed the source of her blood flow.”
- Picking up grapes that have fallen in your vineyard
Leviticus 19:10 “Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God.”
- God hates honey.
Leviticus 2:11 “Do not use yeast in preparing any of the grain offerings you present to the LORD, because no yeast or honey may be burned as a special gift presented to the LORD.”
- Buying a house.
Leviticus 25:23 “The land must never be sold on a permanent basis, for the land belongs to me. You are only foreigners and tenant farmers working for me.”
- Mistreating foreigners
Leviticus 19:33-19:34 “the foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born”
- Stand when you talk to grandpa.
Leviticus 19:32 “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged. Fear your God. I am the LORD”
Leviticus 19:11 “Do not steal. “Do not deceive or cheat one another.”